whatever
So yeah I guess I've been a real asshole to others over the past 2 years and 5 months I've owned this game, or maybe I just became an ass once I got RDM to 75 (which was around jan '05). Either way, I have pretty much alienated myself from the Odin community, thanks to my mouth which flies off the hook whenever a simple thought seems to enter my emtpy head.
I realized this after I read a bunch of Odin blogs and saw all these people doing shit with their in-game friends whether it was helping get AF items together or meriting in a static for 3 hours so that everyone can get a new meritable thing. Or even simple things like one person joining a new LS, feeling like they contributed, and getting positive feedback from the vets in said LS.
I have none of that.
I am probably on more blacklists than friend lists. I don't have a static for anything. If I need help with anything in game I have to beg strangers or pay the people I know. For example, I need to get to rank 8 for Windhurst. Getting rank is a joke, as long as you have 75's as support you can get to Rank 9 in almost a week. After that you need people from your own city. I have been Rank 6 for 3 months and only yesterday did I get Rank 7. I can't find anyone to waste about 15 minutes to kill 3 easy-ass slimes to help me finish Rank 7-1. Why? Because people don't like me. Boo-f'ing-hoo don't gimme the "he is always feeling sorry for himself" routine. It's reality, and I know why people don't like me; because I was an asshole for about 12 months.
Problem is, I have tried to seriously change my outlook and attitude towards this game, but almost everyone I know either thinks I'm the same asshole or they've heard about what kind of an asshole I am and want nothing to do with me. Kinda like a convict who's paroled and has changed but all anyone sees when they look at him is the same old criminal. I have no Limbus LS (the one I was in went from 20+ members to 4), I have no assault static, no ISNM static, no experience points party statci, and I have no HNM LS because every single one of them denied me. I'm well aware of the bitterness that is felt whenever someone brings up the name Gorokai. People that I know inside these LS's that have denied me have told me about how people want absolutely nothing to do with me.
There is no point to this post other than saying out loud how shitty I feel when I read other people's blogs and they're having a blast together with other people when I have the exact opposite experience whenever I am logged into FFXI. And honestly, it's all my fault.
posted by Ultrabum @ 9:36 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
I'm kind of surprised by this post. Yeah this is still considered whining to some point - ok to a huge point - but it's a start.
I've told Ristin the same thing, you know. I feel a little bit sorry for you sometimes, because even if you change, you are so far down the road to Gorocry-City that people will probably never give you a chance. There's nothing you can do about it now other than just keep on with the changing for the better and hope time fixes it.
I don't know you as a person. (This doesn't meant that I want to, don't get me wrong.) But... this post seems sincere and heartfelt, and if this is really who you are, you need to keep at it. People do read your blog, and I think if you start showing signs of an honest change, they'll notice.
fact if the matter is I'm getting denied because of 1 of 2 reasons.
1) people heard I was an ass
2) people saw I was an ass back in 2005
Even if I have changed (which I believe I have) they don't believe me or see me. They have their minds already made up albeit from hearsay of OLD experiences.
Well there isn't much you can do except keep showing this change that you say you underwent. It's not gonna happen overnight, no... but eventually I think SOME people will start seeing it.
Just.. ya know, it's gonna be a few months. Just don't give up and revent to your old whiny self. D:
Post a Comment
<< Home